The last show I went to,
When I lived in Michigan,
Was at this little club in Detroit,
Called Alvins.

I went with my sister Megan.
We drove there,
After I got about 15 minutes of sleep,
And was going crazy because of it.
We hung out in front of the club,
Before the show,
And made friends with the opening band's merch guy.

Later that night,
We lounged around,
And stalked the lead singer,
Of the band we were actually there to see,
Because my sister promptly developed a crush on him,
Even though he has no ass to speak of.

When they took the stage,
We were right up front,
And I screamed out every word.
It was amazing.
And one of the best shows I've ever seen.


And now, that band is no more.

R.I.P. The Explosion

And the internet says that my love and I
Are meant to be.

Airy Gemini and fiery Sagittarius will maintain an interest on a mental or intellectual level. Sagittarius has a sense of independence, great love for freedom, restrictions on that are not tolerable. Both signs are opposite. Gemini and Sagittarius are not demonstrative, have an immense touch of love, quick wit, are generous and cheerful. Gemini lacks in concentration and quick decision which Sagittarius has. Both are fashionable, fond of society and has no chance of separation.These two are at opposite ends of the celestial sky, so have everything to offer each other and are a very complementary combination.



It's said that the sign opposite you contains everything you lust for and lack and that's certainly true of this pair. Geminis belong to the sign of the lower mind, perfect for dealing with communications on a day-to-day basis. With Sagittarians, though, their brains have been broadened into a deeper and more profound path, towards philosophy and similar subjects. These Archers can think far beyond the realms of the Gemini and that's the clue to the success of this couple. Sagittarius can make those glib Geminians sit up and take notice.The twins are so used to ruling the roost intellectually, and yet they would be delighted to discover a Sagittarius who knows more than they do.Once these two have met, they'll set off on a voyage of mental discovery together. Even if they're merely mates, this will be a marriage of minds.

And everyone knows,
If the internet say so,
It must be true.

In other news,
I'm not too cool for school anymore.
That's right, folks.
I am a college student.
I have one class this semester.
(And it must be stated,
That I get off on using words,
Like "class" and "semester".)
My teacher is a moron.
But he holds to key,
To me getting an A.

I am, in fact,
On the computer right now,
To type out a paper,
That is due tomorrow.
It must be said,
That I am fantastically more literary,
Than almost everyone else in my class.
This makes me seem smarter.

But if I were smarter,
I would be 18 and in college,
Like they are.
I would not be 23,
Just starting this venture,
Like I am.

Also, I will be coming home,
In the middle of March.
This puts me in Michgian,
On someone very important's birthday.
You figure it out.

I'm looking forward to it.
Much more than I'm looking forward to class tomorrow.
Class. In my first semester. At college.
Wooo.

Date:	2006-11-25 10:50
Subject:	Who knew?
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

Who knew that trying to better yourself,
And actually go to college,
Could be so fricken complicated?

I'm tired of orientation,
And finding classes,
That actually might work with my schedule.
I don't want to meet,
With a faculty advisor.
I just wanna do some learnin'.
Jeez.

It's scary.
Because anything new is scary to me.
But it's good too.
Because the scariest things,
Are always the best for me.

So, here's to the future...
My future in particular.

Date:	2006-11-13 08:38
Subject:	Crazy shit.
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

First of all,
Why do they start playing Christmas music,
A week after Halloween?

One year, people are going to revolt.
And refuse to celebrate Christmas,
And therefore refuse to buy Christmas shit.
And then they'll learn.
Oh yes.
They will learn.

FFXII is the shit.
Just thought I'd say that.

I missed my dad a lot this morning.

I miss my Michigan friends a lot.
Period.

But I shall see my Dad in January.
And I will see Michigan in February.
And it will be fun.

Oh.
And I get to see Megan in December.
Because she loves me,
So she's actually coming to see me.

Woo. Yeah.

Halloween is way more fun as a kid.

However,
This year, it is fun for adults too.
Because FFXII came out today.
And I am playing that shit up.

I wish I could be back in Michigan
Whenever I want to.
Because I would've been back,
For Megan's Halloween party.

But, alas,
I am stuck in Florida.
Where all I have is the ocean.
And a man I love.
And who loves me.

So, I guess it's not that bad.

Now, back to the Final Fantasy-ing.

By the way,
In the game,
They totally have sky pirates.
How badass is that?

Date:	2006-10-01 18:20
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

Work sucks.

And so do my boyfriend's morals.
If he had none,
I could be rich, I tell ya!
RICH!!

But no.

Other than that,
Not much going on.
I have made a resolution,
To call everyone on my days off.

So, if I have ever called you,
Then expect a call on Wednesday,
Or Thursday.

Sarah, this means you.

You keep saying you shouldn't have to justify your life.
And all the choices you've made,
In the past year.

Yet...
You continue to do so.
It seems to me,
That if deep down,
You were truly happy with all of it,
You wouldn't continue to explain.
You would just live.

Is there anything you would change?

You go on and on about how we all abandoned you.
About how it's all her fault,
And if we were understanding people,
We would be able to accept it.

But the truth is,
I think deep down you realize,
Just how fucked up the situation is.
You didn't lose your friends,
Because they were close minded people.
You didn't lose your friends,
Because they didn't care enough to understand.
You lost your friends,
Because you lied. You lied to them,
And I'm pretty sure you've been lying to yourself.

If he succeeds,
And wins his battle,
Then great.
He's proved us all wrong.
But if you stepped back,
And looked at the situation objectively,
You would see it as we do.
He's tried to fight it before,
And lost.
Time and time again.
And frankly,
There is no evidence that this time won't be the same.
There's only so long that you can sit,
And watch someone kill themselves,
Before you have to remove yourself from the situation,
Or risk becoming a total masochist.

You can't go down with a sinking ship.

Taking care of someone isn't stupid.
But losing yourself to "save" them is.

I once cared a lot about you.
I once drove out to your house,
At three in the morning,
To comfort you,
And make you realize that it'd all be okay.
I talked on the phone to you,
From a thousand miles away,
To hear what was new in your life.

Then he came.
And we all watched as you fell.
Time and time again.
We watched you stretch yourself paper thin,
To make his life better.

You didn't lose your friends,
Because we are bad people.
You lost your friend because you chose to do so.
You chose to throw everything that you are,
Away,
For him.

I hope he is worth it.
I hope you guys live happily ever after.
I honestly do.
Most everyone deserves that kind of happiness.

But you have to take responsibility of your end,
Of this mess.
You changed and you did things that were wrong.
We lost all faith in you.
And that is what happened.

Date:	2006-08-29 10:30
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

My mood has been horrible lately.
I go from depressed, to angry and back.
I snap at everyone for little things,
It's crazy.

And it's been like this since my sister left.
Having her here was great.
But it made me miss home so much.
And I think I resent this place,
For not being home.
And I resent everyone down here,
For not being the people back home.

And it's not like crazy depression or anything.
I haven't had to deal with that for years now.
Because in between the mood swings, I've been fine.

Thinking about going back to school in the winter.
I've been putting it off for far too long.
And it's exciting thinking about finally doing it.
And it wouldn't even be too hard,
Because I think I'll only take a couple classes at first.
So, I could continue working full-time.

Sigh. I think it's just an extended case of homesickness.
Aggrivated by a small tease of home.

I'll turn out okay, I promise.
I always do,
No matter what it seems like.

Date:	2006-08-09 11:07
Subject:	This is why today rocks.
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy
Music:	"Punks in Vegas" by The Bouncing Souls

In the past few hours,
My day has gotten infinitely better.

I got off work at 7.
It is now my weekend.
No work for two days.
This is automatically good.

I then woke my boyfriend up.
And he makes me happy
By just being in the same room as me.
So that was good too.

Then, later, I realized,
That it is less than a week
Until the arrival of my sister and Beth.
I'm super excited.

Then, I lay down.
And tried to sleep.
But no sleep came.
So I came on here.
And went onto My Space.

And discovered another wonderful thing.
"New Jersey’s Bouncing Souls are at it again. After slaying the country touring coast-to-coast as part of this year’s Warped Tour, the band is planning a full headlining tour in support of their Gold Record."
So I got excited again.
And investigated to find out when
They would be gracing my adopted home state.
12/06 - Orlando, FL
12/07 - Orlando, FL

Two dates!!

Okay. So that's awesome in itself.
Then, I wanted to find out what days these were.
To know what days I needed to take off work.

They are a Wednesday and a Thursday.
My weekend.

No extra days off needed.

AHHHH! It's gonna be so awesome.

Hurrah for today!

Date:	2006-07-20 09:37
Subject:	Lazy days.
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	"Private Universe" by Crowded House

I'm on a Crowded House kick.
Dad would be so proud.

Seriously,
I've just been sitting here,
For the last twenty minutes,
Downloading Crowded House songs.

Yesterday was a good day.
I worked Tuesday night.
So I got home about 7 a.m.
To find out that my boyfriend
Had called off work.
Bad for his paycheck,
But good for me.
We spent the morning,
Laying around,
Enjoying each others' company.

I went to sleep about 1.
Then, he woke up sometime after the sun went down.
He asked if I minded if his daughter spent the night.
Which, of course, I didn't.
Aside from Tracy coming over,
And us watching episode after episode,
Of Sex and the City,
I had nothing planned.

So, she came over.
I did laundry and the dishes.
And I watched the show with Tracy.
I feel like I've had two days off.
And really, I don't work again tonight.

Score!

Date:	2006-07-13 13:43
Subject:	Advice, Air Wick. and Domesticity.
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy

Moving sucks.

There ya go, Sarah.
That's my advice for you when you move.
It sucks.
Hardcore style.

Packing everything in boxes,
So you can move it for a day,
Then unpack it all somewhere new.

It's a very tedious process.
And I'm glad that it's done.
Because now I have a home.
And I'm very happy.

I bought an air-freshener.
Wow. Is that how it's spelled?
Anyway,
First, I bought harvest spice.
Because the box had all these cinnamon sticks,
And apples on it,
And who can resist that?
I took it out of the box and sniffed it.
It wasn't terrible, but no apple pie smell.
I plugged it in.
And my boyfriend, who was sitting on the couch,
Says, "It smells like cough syrup."
So, I sniffed the air,
And I'll be damned if he wasn't right.

I went back to the store today,
To try again.
This time, I bought green apples and honeydew.
That's one smell, by the way.
Green apples and honeydew.
Now, my living room reeks of apples.
There's no honeydew to speak of.

I don't know what I'm gonna do with these Air Wick people.

I guess it's better than cough syrup though.

I also bought a new comforter,
Black,
To go with my beautiful new blue sheets.
And my bed looks like a designer bed.
It's so badass.
Unfortunately, it looks so nice,
That I have decided no one can sleep in it,
Ever again,
For fear of messing it up.

And that was my day today.
All domesticated and shit.
I rule.

Date:	2006-06-28 22:03
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	hopeful

It's funny how the brain,
Has the ability,
To jumble a sitation,
Until you did no wrong.

It's also funny,
How reliving that situation,
Can be as emotionally draining,
As going through it the first time.

Sigh.
And those are the last words.

I think this whole situation,
Has freed me in a way.
It's the end of the era.
And now I can move on.

Perfect closure.
So thank you.

And with that,
I leave to sign a lease,
With a man I love.

Cheers to it all.

Date:	2006-06-26 09:56
Subject:	So I said to myself... maybe?
Security:	Public
Mood:	excited

This weekend, things began looking up.

Warped Tour.
Saw The Souls.
Tons of fun, with my friend Jen.
They played Hopeless Romantic,
Which was good,
Because I feel like that's my song,
Not least of all,
Because of my tattoo.

I also got a Bouncing Souls purse.
Which makes me cooler than Megan,
Until she gets one,
When the tour makes its way to Detroit.

Then,
I got a call yesterday,
From a woman who explained to me,
That she went over the applications,
We put in for an apartment.
She said that things looked good.
She's waiting back for one call,
From my boyfriend's old landlord.
And then, all should be good.
We made an appointment on Wednesday,
To sign the lease.
Needless to say,
Very super excited.

Things are definitely looking up.

Date:	2006-06-23 09:18
Subject:	Disclaimer: What follows is a very emo entry.
Security:	Public
Mood:	Emo

Too much Dashboard and sad movies,
Has me in a way.
I sit and think and drive,
And can't get it out of my mind.
What if?
Who if?
How if?
Why?
No if, just why.

I think of writing,
And asking questions long overdue.
I think I deserve the answer,
To why I was treated that way.

I wish I wasn't damaged goods.
I wish I could trust again.
I want to know how.
I want to know how to hear him talk about his past,
And not become instantly suspicious.
Because I have a past too.
One that I'm still running from.
And the likelyhood of anything happening,
Is slim to none.
Although I can't rule it out,
Because in this life,
Anything can happen. I'm living proof.

I hear words,
Coming out of his lips,
That I heard before, and were proven false.
How can it be?
How can these words be used in another fashion?
How can I trust again?

I bite my tongue,
To stop from pointing this out.
Because it's not fair,
To judge him on someone else's actions.
It not fair to keep comparing.

I went to the movies yesterday,
And sat by myself in the theater,
Watching "The Break-up".
And it got to the end,
And I walked out of the theater crying.
Not even in movies can love last.
Not even in movies is it worth putting your heart out there.

But the alternative,
Of living my life without him...
Well, I can't think of that.
It would bring me back to Michigan,
Because he's the reason I'm still here.

It's been over two years,
Since my life did a 180.
And I'm still spinning.

So, I'm going camping this weekend,
To mark my boyfriend's entrance,
Into his 22nd year.

Just me and him and a tent.
And some food.
And fire.
Sounds like a good time to me.

The new Souls album came out.
It's alright.
I once said that they'd have to
Come out with an orgasmic record
To beat "How I Spent My Summer Vacation".

This album leaves me sexually frustrated,
Metaphorically speaking.

Couple good songs.
Some songs that I know I'll like when I get used to them.
And that's it.

Last night, I had a breakdown.
It has been so long since this happened,
That it was a shock.
I thought that I had conquered that part of me.
But, alas, no.

I sat there, tears intermittenly streaming down my face,
Wondering if I'll ever change.
If I'll be forced to make the same mistake again.
If it's embedded into the fabric of my being,
To avoid the obvious for the sake of comfort.

I came to the conclusion,
That at this point,
It's not worth worrying about.
Life is too damn short to spend it,
Worrying about things that might never happen.
And let's face it:
No two people are exactly alike.
And no two relationships are exactly alike.
And there's no way to tell,
At this point,
If I'll ever be faced with that situation again.

I'm bad at love.
That's just a fact.
I'm selfish, and I'm too locked in myself,
To every let anyone completely in.
I think I'll always be like this.
But can you ever know anyone?
Unless you've been around someone since birth,
There's always going to be things,
That you don't understand about them.
He knows parts of what happened,
But he still points to the end,
As the destruction of that relationship.

The end wasn't the problem.
The end was a symptom of the problem.
I'm not condoning the cheating,
Saying it was my fault,
Because obviously, I didn't cheat on myself.
But that relationship was over,
Long before it ended.
And I saw it, but didn't want to let go.

I hope that it ever happens again,
I can just let go.
End it on my terms.
Or at least terms that I'll be okay with.
Terms that don't betray my trust,
And affect the way I feel about people in general.

And that's that.
My craziness made a return.
And now it's gone again.
The end.

If you asked me a year ago,
Where I'd be today,
I would've never guessed.

In fact,
I'd probably have said,
I'd be getting ready,
To go back to Michigan.

But no.
As much as I love everyone there,
I still feel like being here.

I was thinking the other day,
About why I came down here.
And I'm still not sure,
Other than for adventure's sake.
And it was an adventure.
But it also proved so much to me,
About myself.
I'm stronger than I thought I was.
And more emotionally stable.
And more able to make friends.

And also, despite the past three years,
And getting fucked over by two different guys,
I still can fall in love.
Which was a big shocker.
For him as well, I think.
Since I pushed him away for weeks.

Moving down here was a very good decision.
Even if I did it for the...
Well, not really wrong reasons.
Just the reasons that didn't turn out to be important.

So, now that I'm done philosophizing.
Let's see what else is new.
At work, I have formed a clique,
With the other two young people on overnights.
Because, you see, overnights,
Are severely overpopulated with bitter old ladies.
But then Tracy and Josh became my friends.
And now we are like the Dynamic... well, Trio.
Unfortunately, Josh is about to leave us,
To move to days.
Traitor.
Oh well. Then we really will be a Duo.

The apartment search is still on-going.
Basically, I'm just trying to save up money.
And trying to get him to do the same.
But, apparently, he's terrible at it.
Like, seriously, worse than I am.
I don't even know where his money goes.
I mean, he has to pay for Elizabeth's daycare,
And his phone and the cable bill,
And car insurance.
But that's it.
And he makes more than I do. And doesn't pay rent.

Ah well.
Good thing he's relinquishing all control of money,
To me when we move out.
Because surprisingly,
I'm alright at saving.
And paying my bills on time.
You would know how much of a miracle this is,
If you knew my mother.
Apparently, I take after my dad in that respect.

What else?
Oh, Megan's coming down here this summer.
I'm so excited.
It's going to be so very awesome.
I want her to see the life I have built down here.
I want her to know who I'm talking about,
When I talk about my friends.
Or my boyfriend.
I'm just super excited.

And that's about it for now.

Date:	2006-03-08 16:49
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay

So last week,
I was informed,
By the owner of the house I live in,
That I have three months,
To find someplace new to live.

Now, recap the money situation:
I make $9.75 an hour.
Nothing to sneeze at,
But it's a hearty sum to try and live off of,
When you have to pay an actual rent,
And various other bills,
By yourself.

This led to a monumental decision...
Co-habitation.
Between me and the fella.
Not the best time,
Considering we've only been together,
For a little over four months.
But a necessary evil.

So, the apartment hunt ensues.
And I prepare to jump headfirst,
Into said co-habitation.

Still not sure.
But don't have much other choice.

Other than that,
Not much else going on.
Working,
Which sucks up my life.
And that's that.

Date:	2006-02-15 14:52
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

Okay. So here's the deal.
Some things that have been going on
Since I last wrote.

I returned to the great state of Florida,
Which is my home for the time being.
Had a nice reunion with my fella,
Which included a lot of sex.
Yes. Yes, it did.
And I'm sure my brother and sister,
Who both read this,
Are thrilled that I included that.
But I'm too tired to care.

Why am I tired, you ask?
Well, the week I came back,
I switched departments in the good ole' Wal-Mart.
A week later, I switched to overnights.
I now work from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.
I get Wednesday and Thursday off.
Today is my day off.
So I can afford to lose a little sleep.

I came to the New Smyrna Beach library,
Where I am now typing this from,
In order to file my taxes.
I have not slept since yesterday.
I'm sleepy.

Hmm. What else?
Work, the fella...
I'm making a couple friends at work.
That's kind of neat.
And reuniting with some of my Denny's friends.
Which is also neat,
But that second on costs money,
Because we have to go to Denny's to see them,
And then we buy food.

And that's about it.
It's kind of funny how little drama is in my life now.
It's just... all calm.
Life is just happening.
And I'm happy.
And that's that.

The end.

Date:	2006-01-17 01:14
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	"Car Accident" by Dane Cook

I'm now officially Downriver.
Today, I've spent a lot of time with kids.
And I realized that I must be growing up,
Because like half my friends have kids now.
It's nuts.

Things haven't really changed up here.
But they never do.
It's kind of nice,
That I can just slip right back in.
I was worried there would be some awkwardness,
But there's not.
My friends are still my friends.
And I love them.

I do miss my fella.
But I talked to him on the phone.
And that was nice.
He can put on my shoes.
So, we're meant to be together.

And that's all.